she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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