You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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