I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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