I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
where am i from again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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