I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
