It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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