yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
smell my finger.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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