u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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