Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
