As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
