Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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