it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
