I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize