So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
