Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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