i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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