she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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