You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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