How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
