This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
