When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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