i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
