I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize