My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
accomplished twins. life is a go
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
