The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
