I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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