Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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