Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So many bounce houses so little time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize