Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
