im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
