New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Let's paint friendship bongs
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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