May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
