he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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