So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
