i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
As shirtless as possible
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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