God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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