It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
