i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
