I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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