K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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