PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
