Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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