my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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