he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
