when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
