that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he's gonorrhea incarnate
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
