I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
