before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
