this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
