Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
