i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
