do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
