just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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