It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
