I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize