well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Buhtt sex?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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