well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
